Now let me reveal something about myself: I love vampires. I *heart* vampire movies, books, television programs (I'm looking at you, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), you name it. I'm not sure what this particular interest says about me but I think it mainly stems from my attraction to the concept of immortality. These creatures don't age and they don't die (not willingly, anyway). This is all according to various legends of course, but then again legends are a way of dealing with the unexplained, the forbidden and the misunderstood. Let's face it, as human beings we are afraid to die or at the very least afraid of what lies "on the other side." It's not surprising that humanity would create creatures that defy the Grim Reaper. Yeah, so living forever and looking beautiful while doing so is pretty amazing. (Although the true vampire most closely resembles what we've come to recognize as zombies, all bloated and rotting corpses, lurching forever forwards for human blood; the gorgeously suave and aristocratic-looking versions that are popular today is purely a Hollywood convention originating with Bela Lugosi. But whatever, that's just nitpicking.)
Anyway, my point is that I started reading this book open-mindedly, expectantly even. And sadly, Twilight did not deliver. The plot: Isabella "Bella" Swan, a brooding 17-year old moves in with her father who lives in the perpetually sleepy and rainy (HINT!) town of Forks, Washington. She leaves her mother for selfless reasons, so that she can move around the country with her semi-professional baseball-playing husband. So Bella, thoroughly reluctant about living in dreary Forks, meets the mysterious and "dashing" Edward Cullen, one of her classmates who (SPOILERS! [But not really]) happens to be a vampire. He and his family consider themselves "vegetarians"; rather, they don't feed on human blood. And here is where the book completely bores me to tears. For the next several hundred pages, the author, Stephanie Meyer, regales her readers with descriptions of how beautiful, perfect, god-like, graceful, marble-like and angelic Edward is. Alright lady, I get it, he's hot. Seriously. And even though we don't get much descriptive information about Bella, all her male classmates trip over themselves just to bask in the glow of her melancholic presence. It really just reads as poorly written fanfiction, where Bella/Edward are your typical Mary Sue/Gary Stu coupling. It isn't until the last hundred pages or so that something actually happens and by that point, I could really care less. (In case you were wondering, a wandering band of feral vampires arrive, one who sets his sights on feeding from Bella. Edward and his family race to protect her and kill this rogue vampire. ~Fin.)
One of the problems with this book was that the characters had really nothing to do, no real motivations or drives. It was a whole lot of nothing interspersed with moments of histrionics and teenage dramatics. "I'm so clumsy!" "Why doesn't he look at me; doesn't he realize I love him?!?! OMG!"Also, the characters weren't relatable and were all kinds of annoying. Meyer had the potential to create a strong female character in Bella but she's portrayed as a whiny, codependent and depressing character that is constantly tripping over her own feet. Truly, I don't think I've ever known anyone who was that klutzy apart from those fainting goats. (Have you ever seen those? They're adorable.) And Edward has the personality of wet oatmeal. When he's not looking gorgeous, he's brooding. When he's not brooding, he's being an overprotective and possessing creep. And this is the biggest issue I had with the book. I can see the story's appeal to the target demographic of the series, teenage girls. Hell, I think if I were 15 years younger and a lifetime more naive I would be plastering my walls with posters of Edward and making out with my Jacob Black pillow. Really, I get it; there's something alluring about the concept of star-crossed lovers and having someone so physically perfect be hopelessly, madly in love with you. But there is something quite sinister about this relationship that I don't think is related at all to Edward's vampirism. Edward constantly follows Bella and even watches her sleep. His reasons are that he's protecting her and that she's always in danger (well I guess he does have a point, as evidenced when one of Bella's friends loses control of his car and almost crashes into her), but by doing so, he's taking away from her individuality, as underdeveloped as it may be. He starts to make decisions for her and forces her to do things she doesn't want to do, stating that he knows what's best for her. And what's worse, she secretly loves this behavior. She becomes so dependent on Edward that she wouldn't know what to do if he ever left her. It's an unhealthy relationship that hopefully will not be emulated by the readers. I'd like to think that girls are reading the Twilight series with a critical eye; yes it's about love and no one understanding you and wishing that the cute guy in your math class has a burning passion for you, but it's also about being an intelligent and strong individual, about finding out who you are and realizing that independence is the road to self-discovery.
Ultimately I was disappointed with the book but not enough to prevent me from reading the rest of the series because vampires fascinate me (although I hate that Meyer took such liberty with the vampire mythos; they sparkle? Are you insane?!) and because I. NEED. TO. KNOW. WHAT. HAPPENS. Not because I'm emotionally invested in the characters at all but because once I start something I have to follow through to the end. Maybe it's an obsessive-compulsive type of thing. I kind of hate myself.
My rating: 2 out of 5 sparkles.
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